Just Look at Yourself!
8 ways to enhance your child’s body esteem in a body-toxic world

by Karen M. Skemp-Arlt, Ph.D.

As parents, how often do we find ourselves making self-judgments about our looks, either internally or verbally? How often are we “on a diet” and make it known to our children? Unfortunately, we live in a culture that emphasizes thinness and leanness. These messages surround us, and our children, on a daily basis.

“Kids are bombarded by the media where one in four advertisements are giving a message that we are not OK and need their product to feel better about ourselves,” says Diane Hinrichs Kelbel, RD, Gundersen Lutheran Eating Disorders Clinic in La Crosse. “In many homes kids receive negative comments about size and shape from family members as well as witnessing rigid attitudes toward food and weight.”

The messages our children receive from us as parents, from the media, and even from the toys and computer games they are exposed to send a clear message to them about what is an “acceptable” way to look. 

Statistically, children as young as 5 years old are already developing attitudes toward ideal body shapes and sizes and identify thinness or leanness with popularity, perfection, and success. By the time girls are in eighth grade, roughly 75 percent have developed negative feelings about their bodies and have learned that dieting is the means to take control. Locally, in a recent survey of third through fifth grade children, 50 percent of girls and 48.9 percent of boys said they were dissatisfied with the way they look.

Body image dissatisfaction can lead to unhealthy eating behaviors as a way to manipulate weight or achieve a certain ideal. 

So what can parents do to enhance their child’s body esteem? 

1. Be a positive role model for your children by adopting healthier attitudes toward eating and your own bodies. Children learn by the things you say and do. “Parents have the greatest influence on children's body image perception and therefore should create a home free of weight and diet talk,” says Hinrichs Kelbel.
2. Do not make comments about your child’s weight or appearance. One recent study found that comments from mothers have been identified as the most consistent factor associated with children’s anxieties and behaviors related to weight.
3. Become a critical consumer of the media. Pay attention to and openly challenge media messages that emphasize a certain look for girls (thinness) or boys (muscular and lean). Inform them that the models they see are not realistic and the pictures are airbrushed to cover flaws.
4. Be savvy about children’s toys and the messages they may be sending to your young children. Did you know that if Barbie were a real person, she’d have a body mass index (BMI) of 13 (a normal BMI is 19-25)? Or if a WWF Flex’em action figure was a real man, he would have a 65 inch chest? (An average man’s chest is 36 inches.) These measurements are simply unattainable!
5. Do not avoid activities (such as swimming or wearing shorts) simply because you do not look a certain way or weigh a certain amount.
6. Teach your child about the natural developmental changes their bodies will experience during puberty.
7. Maintain your integrity as a human being. Never forget that how you look is only one part of who you are. 
8. Learn about and discuss with your sons and daughters (a) the dangers of trying to alter one’s body shape through dieting, (b) the value of moderate exercise for health, and (c) the importance of eating a variety of foods in well-balanced meals consumed at least three times a day.

“No child should be dieting,” says Hinrichs Kelbel. “It is normal to be growing and developing. It is the parents’ job to provide healthy, well-balanced, structured meals, and the child’s job to listen to their body by eating when hungry and stopping when full.”

As parents, we need to establish a foundation among children that teaches them to challenge social and cultural messages and norms, and we need to arm them with the tools to maintain body esteem rather than wait until negative body image and eating habits have begun.

If you suspect your child may be suffering from body image or eating issues, you can contact Hinrichs Kelbel at 775-4413. For additional information, parents can also refer to the resources listed below.

Karen Skemp-Arlt teaches in the Exercise and Sport Science department at UW-La Crosse and is active in research regarding body image issues and children.

It is unlawful to reprint or reproduce articles without permission from the publisher of Coulee Parenting Connection. Please call 608.317.8748 or e-mail cpclax@charter.net