A Reader Writes
One dad’s perspective from the home front.

Our second child, Ethan, was born last summer. My wife and I tried to come up with a suitable plan as our family was growing, but our budget was not. We agonized over our options: try to absorb the cost of two children in full-time daycare; one of us staying home; trying to work opposite shifts; and winning the lottery. Quickly, the options were whittled down to a single reasonable choice, although we still play the lottery occasionally. We decided that one of us would stay home. We did a quick comparison of incomes. My wife, the healthcare worker, brings home the bacon while I, the teacher, bring home the bac-o-bits.

The idea of watching two children all day didn’t scare me. As a teacher, I am used to watching over 20 elementary students. Bring it on, I thought. I’m a biological night owl, but I must have blocked out the trauma of the sleepless nights we endured the first time around. I submitted a form to have my mail forwarded to the couch as I was on night duty while my wife slept to rest up for her next workday. Washing bottles and diaper duty is overrated; if your spouse enjoys it, then more power to them. Feeding times, diaper changes, nap times, the PBS Kids line-up, and the arrival of the mail are some of our daily milestones.

Reflecting back now, I regret not attempting to do this sooner. I have cherished my time with my boys. Mundane events like trips to the post office, library, and other retail stores have allowed me to answer the many questions of our 5-year-old, Evan. I am continually sharing with others that I have done more parenting in the last year than I did the first four. For once, I am selfishly worrying about my own kids first instead of someone else’s. The change has created more family unity as we have been able to slow things down and feel more connected.

As a native of Iowa (insert your jokes here), I was not aware of the tremendous resources available in the community. For those who love the outdoors, you can enjoy Hixon Forest, Kids Coulee/Myrick Park, being on the water, and many other features of the Wisconsin landscape. If being inside is your preference, check out the library, the Children’s Museum of La Crosse, Family Resources, Family & Children’s Center, or Toys “R” Us.

The response to being a stay-at-home dad has been wonderful. Our family has been very supportive. I am often approached by people who comment how wonderful it is I’m doing this. Other times people will share that they have a friend or family member doing the same thing. The Coulee Region has a fair amount of stay-at-home fathers. There is even a group called the La Crosse Area Dads. We meet weekly for play dates with our children. I truly have enjoyed the shared bond with these other dedicated men.

 No matter your situation, I would recommend that you seek out others for help, advice, and camaraderie. Working parents can talk with each other to describe the best ways to balance busy schedules at home as well as at work. Divorced or single parents can find others to help deal with the added burden of not having a significant other to tag team with their children. Regardless, it’s not about the amount of stuff that you give your child, but instead the quality of time spent together and love that you share.

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