Teen Times: Teens & the Tangled Web
Getting plugged into social networking sites.

by Lisa Grant

Summer never thought twice about putting her cell phone number on MySpace.

“I thought my friends were the only ones who ever looked at my profile,” said the West Salem teenager.

Then she started getting calls from a guy named Charlie. “He saw my picture and thought I was cute,” she says. “We just started talking.”

After learning of the calls through a cell phone bill, her parents intervened to prevent a possibly dangerous experience.    

Social networking websites such as MySpace and Facebook have become virtual hangouts for the 21^st century teen. With the exception of text messaging, these sites have replaced the telephone as the primary means of communication for young people. 

What is MySpace?

MySpace is a free website where anyone with a valid e-mail address can interact with other people online. Users create and customize their MySpace page and then invite others to become their “friends.”

Communication happens through a variety of tools, including blogs, instant messaging, pictures, and music. Profiles can include such information as hometown, birth date, and schools. Friends can leave comments that are visible to anyone who accesses that page.

Why do teens love it?

First, it’s popular. No one wants to be the only kid without a MySpace page, and communicating online offers privacy not afforded by the phone.

Additionally, MySpace offers multi-tasking teens the option of chatting with friends online while doing homework or watching TV. MySpace may feel like a safe place to socialize. The online setting gives shy kids the courage to express themselves in ways they would not otherwise do. 

How do I protect my child?

For some parents, the answer is to forbid the use of MySpace or similar sites. However, it is possible for teens to have a safe and positive experience online. Here are some guidelines:

Follow the MySpace Safety Tips for both parents and kids.  Find them at: myspace.com/Modules/Common/Pages/SafetyTips.aspx/ 

Set privacy settings. Access the “account settings” area, click on “privacy settings” and insure only designated “friends” can access their profile.

Don’t allow your teens to provide any personal information. This includes last names, addresses, phone numbers, and where they work and hang out.

Kids must let you know if they receive any inappropriate or threatening messages. If it happens, deal with the situation appropriately, but don’t overreact. Recent research by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) showed only one in five teens who receive an unsolicited message will tell an adult. Teens said they fear parents will think they were somehow responsible and will make a big deal out of it.

Understand that spammers can get into your child’s (or one of their friends’) account and post inappropriate material. If this happens, contact MySpace and have your teen change the password immediately.

Look at your child’s MySpace site regularly. Let your teen know you will visit their site occasionally.

Make it clear it is never acceptable to arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone they don’t know. The NCMEC survey showed 14 percent of teens have already met in person with someone they met online, and 30 percent are considering it. Forty percent of teens reported they usually reply and chat with someone they don't know. Teens often have a false sense of security and don't believe they are personally at risk.

Using MySpace as a teaching tool

Rep. Ron Kind (D-WI) has cosponsored The Safeguarding America’s Families by Enhancing and Reorganizing New and Efficient Technologies (SAFER NET) Act, which will educate families and consumers on Internet safety. “This bill will create a parent’s one-stop shop for information on how to protect their children and themselves from Internet crimes,” Kind says.

Following are ways for parents to use MySpace:

Communicate. Set up your own MySpace account and use it to foster communication between you and your teenager. 

Clarify the meaning of true love. Talk about “real world” romance. Although Internet love is not unheard of, it is the exception, not the rule. 

Emphasize good manners. Reinforce the importance of proper behavior both online and offline. Hold your teen to high standards in speaking kindly and treating others as they want to be treated. 

Teach proper ways to express themselves (public vs. private). It might feel great to bare your soul online, but the consequences could be detrimental. Prospective colleges and employers now visit MySpace pages to garner information. Additionally, other teens may use the information as a weapon of humiliation or vengeance.   

The challenge of monitoring teens’ online activity will only grow as technology changes. Kids will eventually get the message, but it will take reminders that what they do and say online can have enduring consequences. 

Lisa Grant is the editor of PARENtEEN (nnym.net/sites/parenteen).  She also is a youth leader at her church and finds MySpace to be a creative communication tool with young people.    

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